just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
