Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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