hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
