i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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