wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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