Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You can't just leave with hair like that
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
