I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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