You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
