You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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