There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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