Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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