And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
