Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how

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(405): there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how http://tfl.nu/0o4u

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(941): View more from Florida

my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.

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(941): my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store. http://tfl.nu/vfks

Replies (20) Good night (6118) Bad night (649)
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(314): View more from Missouri

You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.

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(314): You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound. http://tfl.nu/fc6l

Replies (13) Good night (952) Bad night (6489) Order T-Shirt
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(904): View more from Florida

Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

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(904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj

Replies (49) Good night (9106) Bad night (1231) Order T-Shirt
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.

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(717): yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup. http://tfl.nu/otef

Replies (13) Good night (4179) Bad night (1286) Order T-Shirt
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(562): View more from California

I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.

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(562): I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die. http://tfl.nu/mr7u

Replies (6) Good night (2653) Bad night (1037)
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(310): View more from California

Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"

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(310): Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god" http://tfl.nu/2xo4

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?

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(570): why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge? http://tfl.nu/lm3z

Replies (8) Good night (827) Bad night (2335) Order T-Shirt
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(303): View more from Colorado

What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?

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(303): What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night? http://tfl.nu/ofgo

Replies (3) Good night (2110) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
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(616): View more from Michigan

All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.

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(616): All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good. http://tfl.nu/bkrn

Replies (2) Good night (3320) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
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(217): View more from Illinois

how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?

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(217): how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you? http://tfl.nu/250l

Replies (1) Good night (431) Bad night (1271) Order T-Shirt
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(954): View more from Florida

You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade

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(954): You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade http://tfl.nu/kpha

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(512): View more from Texas

I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.

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(512): I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again. http://tfl.nu/arot

Replies (5) Good night (635) Bad night (1863) Order T-Shirt
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die

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(717): Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die http://tfl.nu/2ynw

Replies (3) Good night (314) Bad night (1161)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.

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(780): Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies. http://tfl.nu/mgn4

Replies (1) Good night (341) Bad night (672)

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