You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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