well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
