Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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