Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
