I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize