ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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