I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
