my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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