You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize