I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
