I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
