My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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