He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
