He disabled his match.com account in front of me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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