How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You're like the curious george of whores
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
