You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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