I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Found the puke drawer
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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