i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
