Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
