A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Enjoy the penises
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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