someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
