I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
