I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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