32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
