Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
