UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
