So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
