what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
