I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
