My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
