You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize