Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
