new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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