let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
