Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
