To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
