U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
