Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize