I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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