the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
