Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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