if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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