But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
