Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
