I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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