I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
