her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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