I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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