Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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