This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
