Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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